Admissions Problems

no, your kid isn't special at all actually...

EXCERPTS FROM ESSAYS

Can you believe? You didn’t think it would really happen, did you? Almost a full week of full Admissions Problems. It’s like summer all over again.

Here we go tonight. First up, a young man who has brilliantly discovered our greatest, most guarded secret.

“I figured out the system my freshman year. Honors/AP classes + near-perfect grades + above average ACT score = Getting into college. I always found this system slightly
repulsive, but I followed the rules and played the game perfectly.”

And a few paragraphs later…

“At first, the 20 required volunteer hours for my school’s National Honor Society seemed tedious, and were not a welcome distraction from my school work and personal life.

Well SHIT. He figured out the game! WHO TOLD?! He must be like really, really, really ridiculously smart, you guys. We mean, who else would have figured out that taking challenging, honors-level curriculum (and doing well in those courses to boot) alongside performing well on standardized testing was a surefire way to impress college admission officers? We find it repulsive that we didn’t see it all these years. MIND BLOWN.

And we’re so sorry that you had to complete 20 hours of required volunteer service. We know how cumbersome that can be. And eff giving back to the community. God! Talk about repulsive, right?! We’ll give you a break. After all, you did figure out the game. Surely that took up a lot of your free time - it might be worth an independent line in the Activities section on the Common App.

Second up, a student who clearly has issues assessing the world around her. 

“It never dawned on me that iPhones, designer jeans and stellar literacy rates were all signs I lived in a bubble”

So, let’s say we admit you. And maybe you become a tour guide. One magical day, a family asks you why you decided to choose Blankity-Blank University, and you say:

Would that be accurate? We think so. So in light of this glimpse into the future, we think we’ll pass…

Back here tomorrow for College Fair Musings. You think we can do it? A full week?! Stay tuned.

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