EXCERPTS FROM ESSAYS
We’re back baby. Facebook has fully released the ban, and we can once again access all your wonderfully sarcastic, goodness-filled messages. And inside those extraordinary messages from all of you extraordinary people, we have found more ESSAYS. There is so much love swirling in our cytoplasm, we can’t even explain.
To celebrate the return, we bring you this gem. This essay was written in response to the essay question “Why X College?”.
why X? Well, my guidance counselor recommended it. I told her I wanted to go to a school somewhere close to where I live, and one that has a film program, which X does. I believe she (my guidance counselor) also said that she went there or something along those lines and that she really enjoyed it because of the people and the community. To be honest I’m writing this on the day of the application deadline and there’s about 15 minutes left until it’s too late. The supplement requires a page so I’m going to check out your website to see if there’s anything more I can say. Hold on… Well according to google maps you’re located nearby two nature reserves… That’s pretty cool. I like nature. You’re a liberal arts college, which I think is a good type of school for being that I’m planning to major in film, which is a liberal art.
haha, that’s pretty funny. One of the main pages on your website is entitled Why X?. I guess I could just copy and paste what you guys said. Here you go:
(insert actual copied text from our website)
well, that sounds good to me. Look, I’m sorry I don’t have a better, more genuine answer to this question but the truth I don’t really know anything about this college and don’t feel like making some bullshit up. Anyways, I hope I don’t come off as a nonchalant douchebag. Have a good one.
Please tell us you admitted this kid. There are so many fantastically absurd moments here. One of our favorites is the stream of consciousness to the point where he even writes “hold on…” as he goes to check the website. You could have just not written anything at all, kid. We wouldn’t know the difference. Our other favorite part just the extremely honest “I don’t give a fuck” attitude evident in every part of this essay. Amazing.
But one piece of this essay just cannot go unaddressed, and surprisingly, we’re not going to heckle the author of this laughable essay anymore.
Attention Admission Directors/Marketing and Communications Officers:
If you’re going to include an essay prompt on your college admission application entitled “Why X College?”, don’t include a fucking page on your website entitled “Why X College”. It’s like a take-home test: you’re just giving away all the answers for free, and no one is learning shit. Also, in this age of kids googling every question that wafts through their delicate little heads for a quick, easy answer, don’t you think kids will just inevitably write exactly what you want to hear? Kudos to this kid for going against the grain and being like, “You know what? I don’t know why I want to go to this college, but it seems pretty cool and comes recommended, so just let me in, and I’ll probably enroll.”
Way to go, kid. You show them who’s boss.
Now a moment of routine maintenance. We’re getting a lot of questions about how to submit things to the blog.
Way #1: Quick quips through Twitter - @AdmissionsProbs
Way #2: Short stories, questions, comments through the Tumblr inbox .
Way #3: The most robust option - Facebook. And now that we’re off the ban, we can actually check the box and get some of this awesomeness up. HOLLA at your amoeba.
Back here tomorrow for College Fair Musings.
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