Ok, we’re getting back on the wagon. We feel like we owe it to you. You’ve been blowing up our Twitter, and we sincerely appreciate that. Sorry to those of you on Facebook - we’re taking a stand against the injustice of being confused for spam. We’ll be back when Mark Zuckerberg understands and appreciates the beauty that is Admissions Problems.
First up tonight, a student who is accustomed to the finer things in life.
Does my university mistreat our on-campus students by having a few dorms without air conditioning? I had a mother call today that thought the lack of A/C was a great disservice to humanity. “After all, we’re in the 21st century!” she says, “I mean, even prisoners here in Texas have air conditioning, why should my daughter go without?”
Ma’am, let’s review.
Prisoners in Texas
Have: Daily Rapings, Laundry Duty, Small Cot, Air Conditioning
Have: All Freedoms/ Luxuries but Air Conditioning
Does it really seem equivalent and worth the comparison? We don’t think so. Buy your daughter a standing fan, deodorant and some tank tops. She’ll be fine. We know she’s a 100% sugar, but she won’t melt. Get it together, first world mom.
Second up, an email from an obviously impetuous young man.
My name is [Desperate Student]. I come from a little town named [Crappy Small Town]. Recently, my life here has turned for the worse, honestly i need your help. I am an 18 year old high school graduate who is ready to start a new life in [Better Town] and leave this forsaken town behind me, what will it take for me to be excepted into your school, money will not be an issue for me even if i have to pay to be accepted, i need to do whatever it takes to get into this school so i can start my life and be able to support my family in the future, but i need to know the steps on how to get into this school. please let me know. Im not trying to sound desperate, but at the same time, i need this. im ready to take on the challenge of life, but i will need your help sir. Please get back to me as soon as possible.
Is it just us, or does this email sounds like a Nigerian 419 Scam? The next email after a response will say:
“please email me your university bank account and i’ll wire seven years worth of payment.thanks you for excepting me great madam or sir. i desperately needed to find a person worthy of trust in this time of my urgent need. the challenge of life is calling, and i must answer. blessings be to you and your family from God.”
Buyer beware on this one. When someone who can’t even write a coherent email also suggests that money is not an issue, we politely excuse ourselves from that courtship. Wait a second - nevermind. We just described every full-pay kid with which we’ve had the displeasure of courting. Politely disregard our criticisms, good madams and sirs.
Back here tomorrow for Excerpts from Essays.