EXCERPTS FROM ESSAYS
Yes, we know we’re horrible (blah blah blah, insert your rant via tweet here), but we’re printing another essay in its entirety. Let it happen.
What do a clothesline, a 17 year old, and the pursuit of happiness have in common? For me, it means everything, it is a determination one can only achieve when they really love something. That something for me is football.
For as long as I can remember, my dad has thought of the worlds’ greatest inventions the world has never seen, and was surprised at how much money other people made off of ideas he had thought of years earlier.
One day though, he had a thought about a more effective and cheaper way of drying his clothes…Out came the updated clothesline, perhaps my dad’s greatest invention and an invention with limitless possibilities. It consists of two beams that can be extended, wires that connect the beams, two platforms in which you can insert water or sand as basses, and the best part is that it is all connected making it mobile and energy efficient.
As my dad explained his invention, I made my mind up that I was going to find something that I really love and had a great time doing, something I could build a career in. I was thinking this in the locker room one day right before a practice and it hit me, with time, patience, and pure focus, I could play professional football.I had found my clothesline…
So, let me get this right. The kid says someone stole the idea of the clothesline from him (or he invented the clothesline but never patented it). But then says his dad came up with the UPDATED clothesline. So, which is it?
A little Google search provided the following:
The Australian inventor Lance Hill invented the clothesline in 1945. His invention was a height-adjustable rotary clothesline called the Hills Hoist.
So, the dad is Lance Hill? Or Lance Hill is a dirty, whore thief?! Stealing ideas from humble football dad and making millions!!
You know who we think the dad is? Caveman. Boom. This is like Encino Man coming to fruition in front of our little eyes. Even a caveman understood that hanging something wet up on a tree branch or over a fire was the quickest way to make it dry. Air blowing make wet cloth dry. And since cavemen didn’t have a free economy, we’re pretty sure they invented the clothesline without caring about saving money on their electric bill or carbon gas emissions. That’s just us though. You’d have to believe in evolution to make this plausible though. That’s a whole other conversation.
The clothesline story aside, how the hell did we move from cray cray dad’s clothesline invention story to the dream of professional football? Our favorite part of this essay is how this kid decides:
You know what? I have a lot of fun playing football. I mean, A LOT. So, I think I’m just going to do that for a job. And make a lot of money at it. Because that would be really cool. That’s what my cave dad would want for me. I’ll take a clothesline to practice with me every single day since it’s mobile. Yeah. That would be the shit.
Oh, dear student. Our best advice? Stay in the family business of reinventing inventions. You know, we hear that cars these days are having a difficult time moving around the streets. Gosh, we wish someone would invent something round for cars to sit on that would make them roll easier… dare to dream. *sigh*
Back here tomorrow with Travel/College Fair Musings.
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