Back to the grind this week. Obviously you all saw this morning we had a few extra hours our hands. Hope you enjoyed the inbox fun. We only have 350 more of your comments and questions to go. We’ll get there eventually.
First up, a moment of racial irony.
One caucasian, California surfer boy writes this: “Any change I can room with some basketball players. African Americans to be specific. I grew up with african americans and get a long with well.Haha.Thanks, (name).”
Well, sure…but the point of college is to expand your horizons and meet new people. So, instead of an african-american basketball player, you will now room with white, fratty mcfraterson. Congratulations. He will teach you how to pop your collar, break in your newest pair of Sperry’s, and charm the ladies with stories about how his family has voted Republican for decades. It’s really in your best interest, surfer boy. Enjoy.
Second up, a student that respectfully requests to opt out of mailings from Blankity-Blank.
How about Christs do you know? We’re pretty sure there’s just one. We could be wrong though. Also, was this hand-written criticism mailed back in to the institution? Because that seems effective. Maybe one of the Christs oversees snail mail these days to ensure notes like this arrive on time to the right person.
Third, a student that is requested a written campus tour.
To whom it may concern,
My name is (insert name) and I will be a senior in the fall and am interested in attending your university. Since I live in Massachusetts, I am unable to visit your school on a college visit this summer. However still interested in your program I would like to receive all information that someone on your tour would. My address is (insert full address here) for your mailing reference of such information. I also have a couple of questions that I was hoping you could answer as well. I am interested in majoring in Broadcast Journalism, could you please explain to me more in depth your program and what it entails. Can I double major broadcast journalism and business at your University? Is housing guaranteed all four years at your university? What internship connections do you have and have set students up with in the past? Any additional information you think would help inform me on my college decision please include as well. Thank you very much for your time and knowledge, I look forward to finding out more about your University.
Are you in your walking shoes? Because here we go!
Stop 1: Admissions Office. Close your eyes and imagine a big wooden desk as you walk through our front door. Say hello to our student at the front desk! Our student will hand you a folder with a bunch of information in it about Blankity-Blank. I’ve attached PDFs to this email of all documents you would receive in the folder. Open the PDFs to learn more about all your questions above! Now, turn your ass around and get the hell out of my virtual building. Only come back when you have original questions that can’t be answered by the attached documents.
Stop 2: www.blankity-blank.edu
Thanks for visiting us! Come back real soon!
Back here tomorrow with Excerpts from Essays. Happy travels, all.