If we have to look at a computer any longer today, we might scream. After visiting a bajillion websites looking for ways to schedule visits, we’re officially done with the world wide web. Al Gore can have it back. We’ll only make one exception for you and our friend Questionable Questions.
First up, a rather morbid question that we’re sure just elevated a tour group to a bright, fun place.
A mom once asked me on a tour, “How would you deal with someone hanging themselves in your dorm rooms?”
Good god. We’re pretty certain that most dorm rooms have done away with anything you might be able to harm yourself with/on. We’ve learned. Some kids are a little uneasy and cannot be trusted with vaulted ceilings and decorative wooden beams. We wonder if she thought there was a “Dead Man on Campus” clause - her baby needs to get straight A’s somehow. (Yes, we made fun of suicide! Let the student affairs bashing begin!)
Second up, a mom who is overly involved and unnecessarily helpful.
A mom called today- What do you suggest I should do since my daughter is completely disinterested in looking at colleges? Will visiting your college make her be interested??” She also requested a “dynamic, great-looking male tour guide.”
Eww. Yes, here at Pimp Our Students University, we’ll do whatever it takes to get you in here. We specialize in taking the disinterested to interested by exciting your daughter’s loins enough to distract her from the real priority - finding a best fit institution for her. What the hell does she know anyway? Her hormones can make great decisions.
Last up, a woman keen on the art of the overshare.
“My name is Bonita Ruth Hunts (names have been changed) , I am 43 and divorced. I am also lactose in-tolerate. I will be studying Criminal Justice and my registration pin will not work. Can you direct my call to someone who can help me?”
Yes, psychiatrist and gastrologist. Best of luck.
See you kids back here tomorrow for everyone’s favorite, Excerpts from Essays!