EXCERPTS FROM ESSAYS
Hate to admit it, but we’re starting to feel those little tingles of excitement thinking about all the new essays out there already being drafted. Let the judgment begin!
First up, a student who may have an impending judicial issue.
Saw this gem on an app today: [Community Service: Volunteering][Position: Server)][Description: I served food and busted tables at a dinner auction.]
When we volunteer out in the community (especially at a dinner auction), we like to bust tables too. And heads. That generally goes over extremely well.
Second up, more applicants that believe talking about bodily functions in detail will get them admitted to college.
An applicant had interned over the summer at a Gastroenterologist’s office. Lucky her, she was witness to colonoscopy after colonoscopy. She proceeded to use the words “ass” and “sh*t” throughout her entire essay, and described in graphic detail the different types of asses she saw, and the different consistencies of sh*t out there. Lunch was difficult to stomach that day…
We are kind of curious how many different types of asses there are out there. Was the word “dimpling” used at any point? We may have choked a little when you used the word consistencies. Just gross. What is wrong with people?
Next up, a young student who clearly doesn’t understand the concept of irony.
“It would be such an honor to be accepted here and I am very excited to be a part of such an amazing University. (University’s name) to me is great and like Katey Perry has said “”if you believe in something great you can acheive in something great”” I know that here i can acheive that and much more”
A couple of things. You know what’s an important word to make sure is spelled correctly in your college essay? ACHIEVE. We’d even be willing to overlook the crazy use of double quotations if achieve could be spelled correctly. Hell, we’d even settle for just one of the achieves to be spelled correctly. But the biggest thing here, and I think Katy Perry would agree, if you’re going to quote something she said, let’s also spell her name right.
Last up, a confusing run-on sentence that leaves us wondering how this student structures sentences on a daily basis.
I just received an essay so beautiful it had to be shared. In talking about his relationship with another applicant, he says “I have come to the conclusion that in this relationship one plus one equals three. That is to say there is a certain synergy produced. One entity (myself) and another entity <other applicant’s name> produces a combination of both entities interrelating forming an entirely new entity.”
Even Kurt Cobain can’t figure this out. And that means a freaking lot.
Good work tonight, counselors. Travel Musings still pitch hitting for College Fair Musings tomorrow. Hit us up here on the blog, Facebook and Twitter with pictures and stories.
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