Good evening counselors AND ambassadors. We have to say - we proudly have an inbox full of amusing questions and comments from you. Can’t wait to get to it this weekend. Hang tight. On to the headliners of the evening: the essays.
First up, a young man clearly who has grasped the concept that the essay is a time to reveal something defining about yourself.
I read an essay that started “Girls suck. Girls who talk like diarrhea suck even more.”
We’ve written about using terms related to digestion in a college essay previously. Nothing good can come of allowing your admission counselor to visualize “diarrhea”, even if you meant it in a metaphorical sense. Memorable for all the wrong reasons. Somehow, we imagine this essay is less about gender asymmetries and more about this young man just having mental diarrhea.
Next up, we love when essays show us that humility is still alive and well in this world.
To get down to the truth, I am of above average intelligence, but lacked ambition in my teenage years. I now realize I owe it to myself and the world to put my brain to use for the benefit of humanity, I don’t however know where to begin.
The benefit of humanity, eh? Attention everyone: This applicant shall create an algorithm to produce enough potatoes and corn for all of us to never go hungry again! It has been decided! And if you are dumb enough not to admit him into your institute of higher learning (which he really doesn’t need…formality), then your loss. We here at Blankity Blank though, we’ll take our chances. Denied. We know…we’ll regret it.
Next up, an overshare of a family dynamic in what we’re guessing was a transfer application.
My father flew down to (city) with me and stayed one night in the city, then left me off at my dorm with my luggage, $150 in cash and some sound advice: “Don’t gain the freshman twenty!” Gee, thanks dad. I had really been hoping that he would take me college dorm shopping and at least help me unpack, but that’s my dad for you. He had no interest in the extra bonding. I took it all in stride and spent the first night in my dorm, in a whole new city, hundreds of miles away from everything I knew, by myself. To be blunt, things didn’t get much better. (School) was fun…for about two weeks. People were entirely too obsessed with partying and not obsessed enough with school work.
We’re not sure we blame the Dad. It took us about 15 seconds to be tired of her whining, and he’s had to live with her for 18 years. We’d probably book it as quickly from the residence hall as we could as well. And he’s watched her eat for 18 years - the comment about freshmen fifteen might have been warranted (especially since he pre-added an extra 5 pounds). Bonus points for calling out another college in the essay. Keeping it classy.
Last up for the night, an essay about how music has touched this student’s life. If you finish this and don’t realize how influential music is in this student’s life, then you’re missing the music of music. Music a music if music a la music.
Music is one of the most popular things in the world along with what happened in history. Music has such a big history because there are so many genres from so many artists. There is the future, the present and the past. People love music from all walks of life. It just depends on the the person and what they want to receive from the music. Every song has a history.
There are so many genres of music. There is alternative, anime, blues, children’s, classical, comedy, country, dance, Disney, easy listening, electronic, enka, French Pop, German Folk, fitness and workout, hip-hip/rap, holiday, Christian and Gospel, instrumental, J-pop, Jazz, K-Pop, karaoke, kayokyoku, Latino, new age, opera, pop, R&B/soul, reggae, singer.songwriter, soundtrack, spoken word, vocal and world.
Music is a part of history considering the amount of singers that commit suicide. If they commit suicide, then it leaves a bad influence on the rest of the world saying it is okay for everybody to commit suicide if they feel bad. If you feel bad committing suicide is not the answer to solving your problems. Music is supposed to be about soul and fun. It is about love and heartache. It is supposed to be about life and how we live it. Also, lots of songs are brought back from the dust and along with singers who have died. Some singers even have tributes like Elvis. Elvis is definitely an inspiration except for the fact he is dead.
Let’s all be the honest. The first two paragraphs are Wikipedia rip-offs. Why this student decided to give their admission counselor a lesson on the genres of music is beyond me. But not unheard of.
The last paragraph: we laughed so hard we cried for at least a solid 60 seconds. Where do kids come up with this stuff? My favorite part is when the student wrote that we have a PSA on suicide (it’s bad, y’all!), how music is about heartache (but needs to be fun, upbeat and not sad enough to make you commit suicide!), and how Elvis is an inspiration despite the fact that he’s dead. We spite you for your death Elvis! BUT…we GUESS you can still be an inspiration.
That’s all we have for tonight. Calling all stories for College Fair Musings tomorrow.
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