Admissions Problems

no, your kid isn't special at all actually...

QUESTIONABLE QUESTIONS

Well, look at us over here. Posting on time. We know, it’s a big accomplishment, and we should be celebrated. We’re on a mission to empty the Tumblr inbox, so do not fret if you’ve offered up stories or suggestions here - we’re getting there. Time for some questionable questions.

First up, a story featuring someone who is hoping that inequality still exists.

This question was submitted to our general info email address with the subject line “tuition fees for men”. “Do you have reduced tuition fees for male students. If so I know a young man who needs that type of assistance. A adult graduate of your University from the 1980’s told me due to shortage of male students the tuition fees were reduced or non existent.”

Well. That’s a first. There are a lot of underrepresented populations in the world, but we didn’t realize that men were so scarce that we had started offering tuition breaks to get them to enroll. We get that this person probably heard some statistic about how more women are now enrolling in college than men…welcome to 2012. Here’s our advice straight from us to that student - stop listening to whatever idiot friend of your parents is feeding you these nuggets of information. Chances are he consumed too much of the alcohol back when kegs were allowed, and it’s affected him deeply long-term.

Next up, a question about majors.

I am interested in accounting, and I was wondering without an accounting major at your school, how I would go about getting an accounting degree?

Go somewhere with an Accounting program. Majoring in Biology or Creative Writing won’t get you there.

Last up, one of the more curious questions we’ve ever heard.

one of our secretaries received a phone call asking if a student could use welfare for his orientation fee

Even at the most inexpensive of institutions, we’re thinking that won’t fly. I know it seems it’s all the government’s money and if you’re at a state school, why the hell not? But, nope… that’s not how this works. And if you’re having trouble with a $100 orientation fee, we’ve got some longer term concerns on your behalf. Have you seen “that” office down the hall? Sounds like someone was ill-advised… JUST SAYING…

That’s it for now, counselors. Excerpts from Essays up tomorrow night.