We’re trying to pull our act together. Hang in there with us. We’re all busy and can relate, correct? Good. It is decided.
First up tonight, a transfer student denied for admission who just isn’t quite getting the hint.
YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL TELLING ME THAT YOU HAVE MY REQUIRED DOCUMENTS TO PROCESS MY APPLICATION HOW COME I CAN’T ASSIST TO ***** College AT THIS TIME FOR THIS SEMESTER I SUBMITTED ALL MY DOCUMENTS ON TIME AND I WENT THERE TO THE CAMPUS FINDING THE WAYFOR MY APPLICATION TO BE COMPLETE TO ASSIST FOR THIS SEMESTER PLEASE FIND A SOLUTION FOR ME BECAUSE I ALREADY SENT YOU EVERYTHING AND I REALLY WANT TO ASSIST FOR THIS SEMESTER I WAS COUNTING ON THIS NOW IS TO LATE FOR ME TO APPLY TO OTHER SCHOOL AND I DONT WANT TO LOSE THE OPPORTUNITY ON ASSISTING TO SCHOOL FOR THIS SEMESTER
SINCERELY ****** ******
In the off chance you might think “assist” was a typo, or the student was too distraught to think clearly, the student again e-mailed me a few weeks after she sent the previous email:
I want to know by any chance if l will be able to assist ****** collge for next semester
One simple word: DENIED. And then,
You may not assist at our collge. Please go assist elsewhere. Kthanks. Bye now.
Second up, a student who brought abbreviations to a whole new level of inappropriateness.
Fri, 22 Feb 2013 10:10:07 -0500
Wen can you’ll cum get me to show me around the campuse
Sent from my iPad
Three areas of concern plague us with this request:
1. Did this student really think that someone from this office was going to pick them up for a campus visit? We don’t run valet services, a la Super Shuttle. That would be amazing, but alas, we barely have the budget to cover Great Value coffee in the common kitchen.
2. Was this student not 13 once? Because if they were, they’d most certainly would have noticed how they clearly typed the word “cum”, it would have made them giggle uncontrollably, and they would have changed it to the more commonly used version, “come”. Alas, that did not happen, and all judgments about this student’s preparedness for college just became fair game.
3. Seriously? This kid has an iPad? Life is NOT fair. NOT FAIR. NOOOOOOTTTT FAIR, WE TELL YOU.
Last up, an international student who utilizes every outlet possible to prepare for life at a traditional American university.
Thank you for your help throughout the whole procedure!
I am just too excited to fall asleep after receiving the email, although it is 2:00 am now. Because the admission means a lot to me.
I know I should force myself to sleep now. I will try to get detailed information and deal with the remaining precedure as soon as possible.
By the way, in order to enhance my understanding of Cleveland, I have watched several episodes of Hot in Cleveland these days. It is really a great and adorable city! I am facinated by this city!
While not a question, we just thought this email was hilarious. It’s a little bit cute, a little naive, and a lot concerning that this kid is so freaking excited to leave in Cleveland, Ohio (sorry Cleveland).
Cleveland is like:
And the rest of us are like:
We’ll try to get back here tomorrow for Excerpts from Essays. Commence breath holding…..now.